Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Only in New York

I'm waiting for a couple of friends for dinner at a popular Manhattan eatery - next to me are two women, one aged 40ish(woman 1) the other 60+(woman 2), discussing one woman's issue in her relationship. I, of course, cannot resist...

Woman #1: I was just telling my friend here that I am totally in love with my boyfriend, but he has this weird issue that I'm not sure how to handle.

Me: What's the issue, maybe I can help?

Woman #1: Well, it's kind of embarrassing but he can't ejaculate during sex unless I am giving him a blow-job.

Me: When you say "can't" do you mean "won't"?

Woman#1: No, I mean can't. He's 48 and has always had a problem with this - even when he was married for 11 years.  I think it's one of the reasons he doesn't have kids, he physically cannot get off during straight intercourse.  It's SO MUCH work! After 20 minutes of that motion, I find myself looking at the clock and thinking "when is this going to be over?!?!?!" I seriously am going to get lockjaw one day!

Woman #2: I wouldn't complain too much, it's great for the lips.

Me: What do you mean?

Woman #2: Seriously, better than Restalyne for keeping your lips and mouth in good shape. I keep wishing I had someone to give blow-jobs too but it gets harder at my age. It would save me a fortune if I didn't have to get my lips filled so often.

Me: Ha, that's amazing...I've never heard such a thing.

Woman #1: Back to my problem, what am I supposed to do? I think he gets internal orgasms where he doesn't ejaculate and it all builds up and it hurts him. I want to be sure I am taking care of my man, but I don't know how long I can keep this up.

Me: Maybe you should get him an Autoblow?

Woman #1: What is that?

Me: One of my gay male friends told me about it - it's a sex-toy that simulates a bj. Looks like a lighter with lips at one end. I've never seen one but it couldn't hurt to look into it...

Woman #1: Hmmmm...I don't know if he'd be into that...but I'll try anything at this point....

 Only in New York folks, only in New York...

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